These days as we mother, it may feel like that high energy and exuberance is on some kind of semi-permanent hiatus. You might be asking yourself, “What happened to the part of me that used to draw, paint, write, turn cartwheels, scrapbook, play in the mud, and dream?”

Just what happens to our creative bliss during the years we are immersed in child rearing?

Trying to meet everyone’s needs and tend to little bodies and souls can feel overwhelming. Sometimes, it can be hard to think beyond the next meal or play date or bedtime.

Back when my own kids were tykes, I knew I had to catch a break somewhere. I had to occasionally go to a movie, out for coffee, or on a walk with a friend. Scoring some uninterrupted time to read The New Yorker felt like heaven.  For me, having a regular connection with a friend or losing myself in a story helped me recharge so I had more energy to give.

How do we lose sight of this? I think it is because the minute our babies are born, the focus shifts away from ourselves and onto our baby. This lack of care for mothers appears to be built in to our culture but we don’t have to buy into this message.

We don’t have to wait for our kids to grow up before we pay attention to what makes us feel the most alive.

Last January, I was fortunate to meet some amazing women who took a six-month mother’s self renewal journey with me.  All of us moms have kids of different ages (ranging from babies to teens) but our common thread was we all felt ready to reconnect with ourselves.

Being a part of this mother’s circle inside the wonderful, safe space at lil omm yoga made me feel strong, united, brave, creative, and reenergized. Each month we cheered each other on as we tried introducing something new and enriching into our lives.

This September, I look forward to beginning a new Mother’s Self-Renewal Group that will meet for three months instead of six.  Time is always a consideration for mothers; I think the new format will work well. Will you join me for some self-renewal?

If your time is short, consider adding in one activity you used to enjoy or have always wanted to try. Watch your mood and energy recharge as you tune into yourself.

We don’t have to wait to reconnect with ourselves. We can do it right now.

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Despite being billed as a relaxing time, some struggles can feel more intense because of the more slower, open pace. We have more unstructured time with our kids and that doesn’t always feel so “relaxing.”

The days are longer which gives us more time to experience resistance, tantrums, and pushback with our kids.  A lot of how we experience these struggles has to do with our own expectations and what we tell ourselves.

All parents worry or get frustrated with their kids but taking a look at the messages we send ourselves first can make a big difference in the outcome. If you tell yourself, “Why can’t he just listen?” or What’s wrong with him or me?” – you are not helping you or your child.

The best way to take care of both of you (whatever the season) is to get curious and to think of yourself as an Emotional Coach. Below are some ideas to experiment with during these summer months:

1.  Develop your own awareness about how you feel and what you think when you are with your child.

2. Tap into what soothes and cares for you.

3. Consider your child’s temperament. Sometimes, “quiet” parents wind up with an exuberant child or, a gregarious parent notices her child is a bit of a loner. This is not good or bad;  just useful information to have as you think about how to address the struggle.

4. Gather information about the situation. Pretend you are a scientist and notice when I do X, my child does Y.

5. Get curious about eating and sleep schedules. Does my child need to go to bed earlier? Is he hungry?

6. Arm yourself with some tools to cut down on power struggles.

7. Above all, be kind to yourself as your engage in this process.

Happy summer!

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What makes you feel alive?  What allows you to be connected to your true self? For some, it is singing or dancing when no one is watching. It could also be reading, swimming in the ocean, stargazing, running, enjoying spa time, or eating fresh strawberries.  Others may relish old traditions kept alive: Baking bread, knitting, family dinners, or making art.  All of these activities involve the action of creating directly or indirectly for ourselves.

Sometimes we, as mothers, are so busy with all of our responsibilities that we can get disconnected from our true selves.  We may begin to view life from an intellectual or pragmatic place where we over-think or rationalize the same scripts over and over in our heads.

We tend to put everyone’s needs before ours because that is what mothers, wives, single parents, or outstanding employees are supposed to do (no matter how tired or burnt out we are).

The mom wars of our time seem to reinforce this script that no matter what path of motherhood you choose, someone may find fault with you.

From internal and external pressures and criticisms, we can see our brilliant light dimming.  We don’t make time for ourselves or for the pastimes or activities that help us to feel alive.  We then experience less joy, satisfaction, contentment, and equanimity in our daily lives and relationships.

What can we do to bring our hearts and minds closer together?  The creative process supports both those who have the words and those who don’t. Art therapy provides a healing space for children, teens, and adults alike to connect with images, the creative process, and words to better understand how and why they are feeling disconnected.

Art Therapy helps people who struggle with anxiety, depression, grief & loss, trauma, chronic illness, relationship issues, major life changes, and decision-making. It is practiced in schools, hospitals, wellness centers, the military, and in mental health centers. It is important to note that you don’t need to be artistic to benefit from art therapy.

Art therapists are master’s level credentialed clinicians with training in counseling and art.  They offer various mediums (e.g., paint, digital photography, sewing, sculpture, etc.) to help their clients create solutions for the hows and whys of their lives.

Recently, I met with a mother who was feeling unfulfilled and overworked.  She began reconnecting to her hopes and wishes through talking and exploring metaphors in watercolors.  The fluidity of the watercolor medium helped this mother to make decisions for herself and family that flowed with balance and joy most of the time.

Another woman contacted me because she was feeling anxious about returning to the work force after being home with her child for some time.  She was stuck in feelings of guilt and anxiety about her home and work balance.  Through exploring a variety of art mediums, this mother used the art making process and her personal metaphors and imagery to feel more grounded and balanced in her everyday life.

Tapping into the creative process can help you reconnect with your authentic self. Try it to discover how your heart and mind can work together to live a life filled with possibilities.

Amy Tatsumi is a mother, art therapist, and licensed professional counselor.  She provides children, teens, and adults with individual counseling, groups, and supervision in her Washington, DC practice. Amy helps people create the life they want.

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Work, fun, and leisure time used to be relatively easy to balance.  But as a new mom, it can be tough adjusting to feeling a lack of control, sleep deprivation, and hardly a minute to yourself. What can you do to take care of You while taking care of your new little one? Have a look at the tips below to learn more and see that a lot depends on the messages we send ourselves:

1.  Manage your expectations. You know that saying, “Rome was not built in a day?” Well, the house does not have to be neat and tidy just because it used to be, pre-baby. Now, you are expending a lot of energy in other areas so letting go of standards about how something should look or be is a key component to new motherhood.

2. Pay attention to what you are telling yourself.  Try to notice (without judgment) what you are telling yourself. Are you saying things like, “I don’t know how to do this” or, “why is it so hard for me to get out of the house?” If yes, you need to try to create more space for self-care by replacing those thoughts with some neutral or positive ones. Try saying things like, “I am learning more about myself and my baby every day” or, “Everyone needs a break sometimes so they can relax and recharge.” If you find it hard to let go of critical self-talk, ask yourself, ‘would I talk to a friend this way?’

3. Take a deep breath into your belly, let it out slowly and note what you are feeling (anxiety, tension, anger, or sadness) and where (in my chest, my stomach, my jaw) you might be feeling it. This exercise helps to root you in the present moment and surprisingly, will make you feel more in control of things because you are developing valuable self-awareness skills.

4. Choose a phrase or mantra that has meaning to you to use during stressful times. For example, when the baby cries and is not calming right away, say to yourself, “It’s okay. This will pass.” Or, conjure up an image of a place that makes you feel peaceful inside. This could be a place you visit every summer or an imaginary island where you feel safe and secure. Use this with the deep belly breathing to connect what you are thinking to what you are feeling in your body.

5. Ask for help from your partner, friends, or family and/or hire help. This is absolutely essential. If you are home all day with your baby, make sure you have some time that is yours even if it is only a few minutes a day to walk around the block or sit on a bench and look at the clouds go by.

6. Exercise and connecting with other new moms are other great ways to take care of you. Being a mom is a whole new identity to get used to and it takes time to adjust to the change. Exploring ways to take care of yourself is the gift you can give to yourself that keeps on giving. Try it and see!

Below are some terrific resources for new moms in the DC area:

Mojo Mom – Book and website by Amy Tiemann

Mindful Motherhood – Book and website by Cassandra Vieten

Stroller Strides – A total fitness program for moms and their babies

Lil Omm Yoga – Yoga and more for the whole family

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Think back to when you were first pregnant; a happy time filled with lots of dreams and wishes. Treating yourself well wasn’t so hard then. There was time for sleep, rest, exercise, and even the occasional massage. Of course there was room for worry too. Reading the pregnancy how-to books and blogs could be stressful but you could still find the time and space to take care of yourself.

But who or what is present in our society to celebrate us after we give birth?   In other cultures, new mothers are honored and taken care of by their family and community. There is an expectation that they will be given rest, support, and some acknowledgement of their new role.

In our culture there is no ceremony to welcome a new mother rather, we are often discharged from the hospital without fanfare or follow-up. Our families often live far away and most neighborhood communities are not structured to offer that kind of support.

It can be especially hard for new mothers to think about being kind to themselves because the collective focus shifts so swiftly to the new baby. No mention is made of the seismic shift that hits when a new mother experiences interrupted sleep, sore body parts, and little or no time for self-care.

This is not to say that having a baby is a negative experience. Of course it isn’t. But thanks to our culture, mothers often feel wholly responsible for their new little one’s welfare.  Generalizing messages like “breast is best” and other such advice do not take a mother’s particular situation into account.  There is an emphasis on self-sacrifice that is almost encouraged in our society.

In this country, there are many rituals that mark the arrival of a new baby but I can’t think of one that acknowledges a new mother. The new science of self-compassion does not recommend pushing through the pain.  Is it okay to be kind to ourselves while we are nurturing our children? I think so. I believe that if we want to lead healthier and happier lives we have to be kind to ourselves and engage in personal and political conversations about what mothers need.

The post From Pregnancy to Motherhood: North American Culture Shock appeared first on Jennifer Kogan, MSW, RSW, LICSW.

When things start to get too busy we can start to feel a little unmoored.  Nothing too terrible happens but we may become a little less patient as we rush through the day. We know we will have to stop working (writing, painting, emailing, solving, meeting, etc.) before we are quite ready to because it’s time for homework, dinner, and bedtime routines.

We are welcome to pick up where we left off once everyone else is asleep a la midnight moms. But is that how I want to use my time?

What I know about this is that every day is different. Sometimes I may need to push through but other days I may need a “time in.”

Time in can be many things. For me, it is listening to guided imagery so my brain can relax and recharge. It is delightedly finding myself alone in my own house and just breathing for awhile. It is meeting someone for coffee so I can enjoy the care and attention of a dear friend.

These days it is easier for me to notice when I need a “time in” so my patience doesn’t get as tested.  And of course, time in with family is also time well spent.

What can kind of “time in” would you enjoy?

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