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Work, fun, and leisure time used to be relatively easy to balance.  But as a new mom, it can be tough adjusting to feeling a lack of control, sleep deprivation, and hardly a minute to yourself. What can you do to take care of You while taking care of your new little one? Have a look at the tips below to learn more and see that a lot depends on the messages we send ourselves:

1.  Manage your expectations. You know that saying, “Rome was not built in a day?” Well, the house does not have to be neat and tidy just because it used to be, pre-baby. Now, you are expending a lot of energy in other areas so letting go of standards about how something should look or be is a key component to new motherhood.

2. Pay attention to what you are telling yourself.  Try to notice (without judgment) what you are telling yourself. Are you saying things like, “I don’t know how to do this” or, “why is it so hard for me to get out of the house?” If yes, you need to try to create more space for self-care by replacing those thoughts with some neutral or positive ones. Try saying things like, “I am learning more about myself and my baby every day” or, “Everyone needs a break sometimes so they can relax and recharge.” If you find it hard to let go of critical self-talk, ask yourself, ‘would I talk to a friend this way?’

3. Take a deep breath into your belly, let it out slowly and note what you are feeling (anxiety, tension, anger, or sadness) and where (in my chest, my stomach, my jaw) you might be feeling it. This exercise helps to root you in the present moment and surprisingly, will make you feel more in control of things because you are developing valuable self-awareness skills.

4. Choose a phrase or mantra that has meaning to you to use during stressful times. For example, when the baby cries and is not calming right away, say to yourself, “It’s okay. This will pass.” Or, conjure up an image of a place that makes you feel peaceful inside. This could be a place you visit every summer or an imaginary island where you feel safe and secure. Use this with the deep belly breathing to connect what you are thinking to what you are feeling in your body.

5. Ask for help from your partner, friends, or family and/or hire help. This is absolutely essential. If you are home all day with your baby, make sure you have some time that is yours even if it is only a few minutes a day to walk around the block or sit on a bench and look at the clouds go by.

6. Exercise and connecting with other new moms are other great ways to take care of you. Being a mom is a whole new identity to get used to and it takes time to adjust to the change. Exploring ways to take care of yourself is the gift you can give to yourself that keeps on giving. Try it and see!

Below are some terrific resources for new moms in the DC area:

Mojo Mom – Book and website by Amy Tiemann

Mindful Motherhood – Book and website by Cassandra Vieten

Stroller Strides – A total fitness program for moms and their babies

Lil Omm Yoga – Yoga and more for the whole family

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Think back to when you were first pregnant; a happy time filled with lots of dreams and wishes. Treating yourself well wasn’t so hard then. There was time for sleep, rest, exercise, and even the occasional massage. Of course there was room for worry too. Reading the pregnancy how-to books and blogs could be stressful but you could still find the time and space to take care of yourself.

But who or what is present in our society to celebrate us after we give birth?   In other cultures, new mothers are honored and taken care of by their family and community. There is an expectation that they will be given rest, support, and some acknowledgement of their new role.

In our culture there is no ceremony to welcome a new mother rather, we are often discharged from the hospital without fanfare or follow-up. Our families often live far away and most neighborhood communities are not structured to offer that kind of support.

It can be especially hard for new mothers to think about being kind to themselves because the collective focus shifts so swiftly to the new baby. No mention is made of the seismic shift that hits when a new mother experiences interrupted sleep, sore body parts, and little or no time for self-care.

This is not to say that having a baby is a negative experience. Of course it isn’t. But thanks to our culture, mothers often feel wholly responsible for their new little one’s welfare.  Generalizing messages like “breast is best” and other such advice do not take a mother’s particular situation into account.  There is an emphasis on self-sacrifice that is almost encouraged in our society.

In this country, there are many rituals that mark the arrival of a new baby but I can’t think of one that acknowledges a new mother. The new science of self-compassion does not recommend pushing through the pain.  Is it okay to be kind to ourselves while we are nurturing our children? I think so. I believe that if we want to lead healthier and happier lives we have to be kind to ourselves and engage in personal and political conversations about what mothers need.

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