mothers Archives - Jennifer Kogan, MSW, RSW, LICSW https://jenniferkogan.com/tag/mothers/ Compassion Focused Counseling and Consultation in Washington, DC and Ontario, Canada Sun, 07 May 2017 02:01:46 +0000 en-US hourly 1 Mothers need to Let Go and Embrace The New Perfect https://jenniferkogan.com/mothers-need-to-let-go-and-embrace-the-new-perfect/ Fri, 06 Jul 2012 01:34:49 +0000 https://jenniferkogan.com/?p=2484 “I think we need to keep emphasizing that the woman we are all comparing ourselves to — this perfect mom who has mastered the workplace, her marriage, her children, cooking, crafting, and fitness — is a composite. She’s a myth. None of us can excel in every area and maintain sanity. We’re already enough — even if we’re not perfect.” Read more of my interview with Hollee Schwartz Temple author of the book, Good Enough is the New Perfect.

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( Harlequin 2011 )

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]]> From Pregnancy to Motherhood: North American Culture Shock https://jenniferkogan.com/from-pregnancy-to-motherhood-north-american-culture-shock/ Wed, 11 Apr 2012 17:52:20 +0000 https://jenniferkogan.com/?p=365 Last week I wrote about the new science of self-compassion in the Washington Post blog, ‘On Parenting.’ Writing that post got me thinking about how our society treats us when we first become mothers.  I wonder if this could be part of why it’s so hard for us to actually be kind to ourselves? Think […]

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]]> Last week I wrote about the new science of self-compassion in the Washington Post blog, ‘On Parenting.’ Writing that post got me thinking about how our society treats us when we first become mothers.  I wonder if this could be part of why it’s so hard for us to actually be kind to ourselves?

Think back to when you were first pregnant; a happy time filled with lots of dreams and wishes. Treating yourself well wasn’t so hard then. There was time for sleep, rest, exercise, and even the occasional massage. Of course there was room for worry too. Reading the pregnancy how-to books and blogs could be stressful but you could still find the time and space to take care of yourself.

But who or what is present in our society to celebrate us after we give birth?   In other cultures, new mothers are honored and taken care of by their family and community. There is an expectation that they will be given rest, support, and some acknowledgement of their new role.

In our culture there is no ceremony to welcome a new mother rather, we are often discharged from the hospital without fanfare or follow-up. Our families often live far away and most neighborhood communities are not structured to offer that kind of support.

It can be especially hard for new mothers to think about being kind to themselves because the collective focus shifts so swiftly to the new baby. No mention is made of the seismic shift that hits when a new mother experiences interrupted sleep, sore body parts, and little or no time for self-care.

This is not to say that having a baby is a negative experience. Of course it isn’t. But thanks to our culture, mothers often feel wholly responsible for their new little one’s welfare.  Generalizing messages like “breast is best” and other such advice do not take a mother’s particular situation into account.  There is an emphasis on self-sacrifice that is almost encouraged in our society.

In this country, there are many rituals that mark the arrival of a new baby but I can’t think of one that acknowledges a new mother. The new science of self-compassion does not recommend pushing through the pain.  Is it okay to be kind to ourselves while we are nurturing our children? I think so. I believe that if we want to lead healthier and happier lives we have to be kind to ourselves and engage in personal and political conversations about what mothers need.

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]]> It’s Okay if You Don’t Breastfeed https://jenniferkogan.com/its-okay-if-you-dont-breastfeed/ Thu, 14 Jul 2011 01:24:43 +0000 https://jenniferkogan.com/?p=2468 As a mom who meets lots of new moms, I have noticed something lately. In my conversations with new mothers who breastfeed, there is an almost universal belief that breast milk is akin to the nectar of the gods. I hear words like “lazy” and “selfish” to describe mothers who choose to bottle-feed. Not surprisingly, women who choose to bottle-feed tell me that they feel judged, guilty, and not supported. Is breast milk better for babies? Maybe. But is bottle- feeding such a sin?

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